Love Story, Via YouTube

We're all vaguely aware that the fairytale/Hollywood presentations of love are a bit twisted; there's always a happily ever after and you can always sort of see it coming, no matter how long and annoying the story leading up to it might be. No one above the age of about twelve really expects that that is the way love actually is. It is generally taken for granted that the whole world isn't quite as romantic as pop culture would like.

I happen to be really into my comedy musicians. As in, beyond what is ordinarily considered healthy. And I have noticed that comedians tend to know a hell of a lot more about love than songwriters. Instead of arguing about this, I am going to take a handful of chosen songs and let you decide for yourself whether or not you agree. (This is also my way of pressuring my friends into listening to more of my silly music, but they don't need to know that.)

So. You see someone, and they make you feel like this...
(Song starts at 1.10)

And they probably make you feel a bit like this too...

And you're terribly afraid that this might happen...

But eventually you pluck up the courage to say something like this...

And if you're lucky, you get this...

Although it'd be a shame to end up like this...
(Song starts at 1.23)

And (if you're anything like me) there may be a bit of this...

But, ultimately, it's going to work out okay, because...

See what I mean? They know their stuff. And frankly half of these are more romantic than most of the bog-standard love songs floating around...

That was too easy. I apologise. I don't regret it though.

Incidentally (haha; it's a pun), I personally think that these are two of the loveliest love songs ever written and they were both written by comedians:

"Incidentally" by Scott Edgar.

"I Think I Like You" by Paul McDermott.

Back The Fuck Off, PETA!

On the whole, and with no exceptions that come to mind, I am definitely for the ethical treatment of animals. I am a person, which means that I would come under the plural heading of people. So it would seem not unreasonable to assume that I should be in favour of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) and their behaviour. Of course, in generalising everyone who supports PETA, I am purposely ignoring the crazy ones who firebomb medical research facilities for the cause; I am sensible enough to assume that these nutters are in the minority and that most of the supporters are decent people who just really dig animals.

If I had to point out something that bothered me about PETA, I would direct you here and I would advise that you listen very carefully to what they have to say. I would point out that the things highlighted in this show are largely the crazies mentioned above, but the woman who uses insulin but says that others shouldn’t because it was tested on dogs strikes me as a hypocritical cow.

Otherwise, I would generally think well of the organisation’s intention to bring a little more joy and a little less fear into the lives of creatures less evolved than ourselves.

And then I heard that they were ragging on Pokémon. And then I got mad.

Then I calmed down and did some research, just to see if it was worth me getting mad about it.

Yes, it was.

On this website, I found this: 

“Much like animals in the real world,” read PETA’s statement, “Pokémon are treated as unfeeling objects and used for such things as human entertainment and as subjects in experiments. The way that Pokémon are stuffed into pokéballs is similar to how circuses chain elephants inside railroad cars and let them out only to perform confusing and often painful tricks that were taught using sharp steel-tipped bullhooks and electric shock prods … If PETA existed in [the game world of] Unova, our motto would be: Pokémon are not ours to use or abuse. They exist for their own reasons. We believe that this is the message that should be sent to children.”

Upon reading this, I decided that PETA could fuck right off.

Clearly, not a single one of the fuckwits at PETA has watched an episode of Pokémon, let alone taken the time to understand the concept. Even without the backstories that ushered my generation into maturity, the first film alone is a monument to how the world of Pokémon is one that advocates love, equality and friendship, between all people and all Pokémon, no matter who or what they are. I refuse to believe that, after seeing the face it pulled when Ash got turned to stone, anyone can fail to believe that Pikachu loves him?

I know it made me cry when I went to see it in the cinema back when I was six years old. I know, now that I am nineteen, that it still does. Frankly, if you are not in some way affected by this face, then you are an emotionless monster.

The first series alone shows numerous examples of Ash behaving in the way that will best suit his Pokémon.  He frees his Butterfree so that it can go off with its true love, so that it can be happy even if it means they might never see each other again. He lets his Pidgeot remain in the forests around Pallet Town so that it can protect the weak wild Pidgey from a predatory wild Fearow that was terrorising their little society. He allows his Charizard to remain with a group of other Charizard where it can train until it achieves its full potential, which sadly Ash could not provide for it. Their parting is one my most distressing childhood memories, and this image still moves me because I know how much Ash  loved his Charizard and how much of a sacrifice it was for him to leave it behind where it could be happy.

Pokémon has never been anything other than a story of a boy and his friends, whom he loves dearly even when they are far apart. His friends might be human or they might be Pokémon, it does not matter to him, and it does not matter to us – his loyal and life long followers – either. We love who he loves, we cry when he cries and we cheer when he wins. We follow his defeats and we learn to accept them with him and, as we grow older and he remains perpetually ten years old, we continued to follow his adventures in the hope that one day we will see our hero fulfil all his dreams. Throughout his stories, his companions are his Pokémon and they are the most important things in the world to him. He loves them. He does everything for them. He would happily sacrifice everything for them. What is more – they love him too.

Take, for instance, the episode ‘Snow Way Out!’ (yes; I’m resorting to citing episodes; watch them, PETA!), in which Ash’s Pokémon give up the comfort and luxuriousness (yes, they are comfortable and luxurious, PETA) of their PokéBalls  to stop him from freezing.

It only takes one look at the way that Ash and Pikachu look at each other to know that they could not love each other more. I find it difficult to believe that there are many human beings that love other human beings – let alone animals – as much as Ash loves Pikachu and Pikachu loves Ash back.

If for even one day in my existence I love like that then I will consider myself content with life.

When I was kid – including the times I sometimes behave as if I still am – Pokémon taught me so much about life. I learned that it is not the quantity of friends that you have, but the quality of the friendships. I learned the no matter how far away your friends might be, they will always be important to you as long as you never forget how much they mean to you and that they will always remember the impression you had on their lives too. It taught me that it does not matter how weird or demented your friends seem at times, what matters is that they are there for you and that they love you.

It taught me that no matter how small and weak you may seem, if you work hard at what you want in life, one day you could be capable of great things.

I learned that it is not a bad thing to have weaknesses because everyone has them and that that does not mean that they cannot be overcome.

I have learned that no one can do everything alone, and that having people around you to support you no matter what is and always be one of the most important and valuable things in the world. I have learned that there is always room for improvement; it could be said that no matter how good you get there will always be someone better than you, but that is irrelevant as long as you never give up. I mean, if Meowth can talk, why can’t my dreams come true too?

Pokémon has taught me that even the hardest-seeming people can be good on the inside, even if it takes a little bit of time to see it.

Maybe it is because I was a little bit obsessed with it as a kid – maybe it is because I am still a little bit obsessed with it now – but Pokémon taught me a hell of a lot about the world. If this whole blog post has not convinced you about this, bear in mind that I have only used examples from the first series and first film. There has been a decade of Pokémon since offering the same message to my little brother, and I would not have it any other way.

My experience of Pokémon has taught me nothing but love and to have patience, tolerance and kindness to everyone and everything. I struggle to see how anyone who has ever watched an episode or played the game (and read the speech bubbles) could interpret it in any other way. In fact, it offends me that anyone could even conceive of saying such horrible things about something that quite probably had a lot to do with making me – and possibly a lot of other people my age – the person I am today.

Now, back the fuck off, PETA, and leave my childhood alone.

Looks Like I'm Going to Hell...

In my daily Googling and checking of FaceBook and Twitter, I tend to come across a lot of material created by people who don't seemed to understand their own religions. I am well aware and perfectly willing to admit that the reason I see a lot of these because I Liked and Followed a lot of pages that post them and I have no right to complain about my seeing of them. In fact, I don't mind them - sometimes they can be funny; more often, they make me wonder how humanity got to this stage of civilisation considering all the stupid people in it. But it does make me think. Partially about how people can so badly misinterpret a book at the heart of which is "Love thy neighbour" and, more broadly, about how supremely stupid people can be.

One of the most famous examples of religious zealotry is the Westboro Baptist Church, who take the conventional "God hates... [insert minority group here]" signs to the extremes of pretty much sending everyone in existence to hell. They are the kind of people who show up at the funeral of a soldier and chant at his family saying that their beloved son has gone to hell because he fought in a war that displeased their God. This is beyond despicable and anyone who has any sense of compassion would realise this. This disgusting behaviour is passed off as patriotism and religious fervour.

It's not; it's hateful.

But when all they have on their sign is "God hates you", it's difficult to know what you can do to change to earn God's favour. That in itself is something of a clue that these people don't really care about saving your immortal soul. They just rather enjoy making you feel like crap simply for existing.

But there are some groups - usually from the same extreme-right areas of America, but not always - who make the effort to specify what you're doing wrong and why God hates you. This is somewhat more useful if you conform to their ideas of a hateful Christian God and you want to fit into their rigid regime.

Take for example the helpful young man in the picture below, who has taken it upon himself to highlight the faults of pretty much everyone he can think of that might have displeased God. To his credit, he has made a thorough and clearly thought out list of all the things offensive to God. Apparently, God also hates the proper use of apostrophes. Either that, or this guy is just making it up as he goes along; you would think that if his writing was driven by a divine hand that there would at least be a basic grasp of punctuation...

I have to admit that some of them make a lot of sense. I am certainly not a fan of Mormons, wife-beaters (the people, not the style of top), racists or Scientologists (note the absence of unnecessary apostrophes in my list). In fact, there are quite a few social and religious groups that I'm not too keen on in that list. And, if there is a God, it's probably not too happy with the atheists - but that is purely providing that there is a God. 

But who are the effeminate men hurting? Really? And the Democrats - whether or not you agree with there policies, that is purely a political prejudice and has nothing to do with religion, as well as being a political party that is exclusive to America and so it is a moot point outside of the States. Then there is the rather broad heading 'liars'. I don't know anyone who hasn't told at least one lie, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes, it IS best to say "No, we're definitely not throwing you a surprise party," or "Yes, I loved the birthday present you gave me; I definitely didn't think it was hideous...". I understand that emos sometimes can be a bit annoying, but I also think that sending them to burn for all eternity is a bit extreme. The threat certainly won't do anything to cheer them up. As an opinionated owner of ovaries, I also object to the phrase 'loud mouth women'. And I don't even know what they mean by 'sophisticated swine' or 'high fullutent'. I even Googled the word 'fullutent', and it didn't know what it meant either.

At this point, it would be easy to dismiss it by saying that that's just one idiot, but there are more. A quick Googling will prove this. But, if you can't be bothered to do that yourself, here's another one:

Again, it starts off with some quite sensible ideas. I would be quite happy to see Satanism, Scientology and astrology all disappearing from our culture and into the history books. I don't think that tarot cards, ouija boards, remote viewing or divination have any real affect on the world, but in general I don't care much when people do it. Lycanthropy (werewolves) and vampirism are pure fiction, so avoiding them should be pretty easy. Hallowe'en is famously a pagan celebration that has made its way into American culture, so it's easy to see why especially religious people would oppose it, but it's harmless. And, there at the end, what sensible person doesn't loathe Twilight? Although, apparently, the films pave the path to Satan, but the books don't. Maybe this person just really doesn't like Kristen Stewart and her bland, emotionless acting.

But there's Harry Potter, right there at the top of the third row, beneath video games. As a huge Potterhead and big fan of the Pokemon series, I am definitely NOT standing for that one. They realise that J. K. Rowling is religious, right? And that all the revelations about love and respect and everything that Dumbledore said in the last book was all based on the Christian teachings that she values? And Dungeons and Dragons. Really? Nerd games are going to send you to hell? Oh dear. Then fornication - not even sexual perversions or deviations, but all fornication - that's everyone who has ever had a baby; that's everyone who isn't a nun or a child. Not to mention 'skull and bones' - are they seriously trying to suggest that anyone born with a complete skeleton is doomed for all eternity?

Then, right at the bottom there's both rock music and heavy metal, which puts all that remains of my friends (that is, the ones that don't read Harry Potter or play Dungeons and Dragons) firmly in with the rest of us hell-bound fools.

It can't just be me who thinks that God doesn't really care about all these things, can it? Even if there is a God - and if even it does care intimately about people's private lives - why would these things matter? Surely, such a being would be above our choice of reading and listening material? Isn't it pretty obvious that God doesn't care too much about any of these things and that people are just using religion to justify their hatred and bigotry?

It's disgusting and a repellent use of religion and authority designed to hurt people and, quite frankly, until this behaviour is stamped out, we might as well just enjoy the efforts of winners like this dude:

"You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do." - Anne Lamott