Saturday, 21 July 2012

What I Did Last Night

Last night was a Friday and, as I have next to no life, I was indoors and bored. I could have been out doing normal teenager-y things, but it was raining and I prefer being comfortable to being sociable. Therefore, I spent my Friday night listening to The Men That Will Not Be Blamed For Nothing and cleaning out the drawers in my bedroom, which have spent the past four years or so accumulating miscellaneous junk. Except the bottom one. The bottom one is broken and doesn't open, so remains unmolested.

Here is The Men That Will Not Be Blamed For Nothing.

Here is a list of things I found in my drawers, in no particular order because I cannot be bothered to alphabetise (for once) and I forget the order in which the things were found:

  • 4 pairs of ordinary 3D glasses
  • 1 pair of Harry Potter 3D glasses
  • 1 pair of Shrek 3D glasses
  • My retainer
  • A tasselly waistcoat - I still haven't decided whether or not I think it's hideous...
  • All the plans for the James Bond parody series Monty Bond I wrote with Elliot in Year 9
  • The Geography assignment that got me a level 7 in Year 9
  • Thousands of keyrings, including many in the shape of sperm
  • The original drawings of Wild Whizz, Wild Ted and Wild Tizzwed
  • The guitar tab for 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer'
  • A tangled mass of Scooby Strings (if you don't know what these are, then you had no childhood)
  • My Blue Peter badge
  • Numerous other badges, many Pirates Of The Caribbean
  • 5 watches that have stopped working
  • 1 watch that still works
  • The first three acts of a musical I started but never finished writing when I was about 13 entitled The Adventures of Captain Retard, complete with lyrics for three songs and the guitar riff for one. I kept this. It was hilarious. Terrible, but hilarious.
  • A pristine edition of Top Gear Magazine from at least 3 years ago
  • A list of supremely shit Things To Do Before I Die, which have since been heavily revised
  • A number of Poundland bags-for-life
  • A rusty bracelet I found on the beach about six years ago
  • The provisional drivers' licence I had to have replaced because I couldn't find it in time for my theory test. Oops.
  • A brass engraving of Charles Dickens
  • Many notebooks filled with shit drawings and random facts
  • A 'Bloke Bingo' scorecard
  • Some nail varnish that was so old that it had dust on the inside
  • Smudgy photographs of me and Beca from the photo booth in the Namco Station at the Galaxy
Draw whatever conclusions you will from this information. Personally, I am struggling to understand how I made it out of childhood so normal... Still, got a good list out of it. And who doesn't love lists?

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